


Lovable Doofus

by JackyM



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, i have nO IDEA when this takes place omg ;w;, just assume not during any pre-11th hour arcs?, some mild spoilers are there also! if you are not caught up maybe do not read this!!, taakitz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 20:36:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10226813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackyM/pseuds/JackyM
Summary: A domestic Taakitz fic where I rolled for all of the actions that took place.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this [this](http://hushpupper.tumblr.com/post/157705690989/mathes0n-a-challenge-u-write-a-taz-fanfic-but/) post and I absolutely HAD to do it once I got caught up with TAZ, because omg, it was WAY too good. I had a ton of fun writing this, by the way, and I am so glad I wrote it. 
> 
> With that in mind, this is my first fan-fiction for TAZ so I really hope it’s alright, characterization-wise! This is also my first time rolling DnD dice for literally anything, so I had to do a bit of research on which dies to use, etc., and from what I could tell, the only real die I’d need to use for this fic is a d20, so that’s what I used! I don’t know Kravitz’s modifiers, so I just didn’t add anything to the total roll for him or Taako, to keep the playing field level. Let me know if I really messed up, though! I don't know too much about DnD. ;w;
> 
> Rolls are bolded, and in brackets, for easy reading! owo
> 
> My blog (as shown before) is hushpupper on Tumblr if you wanna follow me! nvn

The dormitory was extremely quiet, but that didn’t mean it was empty. Kravitz didn’t make much noise; it was part of the job. The last thing Kravitz wanted to do was make a lot of noise while making an effort to appear intimidating, terrifying scythe-wielding bounty hunter for the Raven Queen that he was. His quietude might’ve been a quality that resulted in a lot of issues rooted in the element of surprise, but Taako was, to quote, “literally impossible to terrify with such a low amount of effort”. Kravitz wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or not, but when he’d heard it he’d knitted his eyebrows together and found himself smiling, and then, found himself laughing. Taako’s (declared) immunity to being scared made Kravitz worry a little less about terrifying Taako into a shock while silently returning from a trip to the kitchen for candy corn.

However, this also meant Taako could see Kravitz, not expecting him (but pleasantly surprised), and make an attempt to make Kravitz the surprised one. 

** [Taako does a Perception check; gets a 6] **

Kravitz was sitting in the living room with his back to Taako, bemusedly looking at a freakishly large stack of half eaten peanut butter cups. Half eaten, of course, meaning half of the peanut butter cup was shelled out and filled with glitter. He wanted to market them, though he’d sort of hit a roadblock when he remembered that glitter does in fact, taste terrible. He supposed he could try transmuting it, but no edible thing sparkled as much as glitter, so what was the point, and also, why aren’t more edible things glittery. Kravitz hadn’t really stumbled upon the same train of thought, at all, and was actually becoming somewhat concerned over the prospect that Taako might actually regularly consume glitter. While Kravitz was trying to put together what was happening on Taako’s coffee table, Taako was looking at Kravitz and trying to decide what a better thing to do here would be. He would just walk in and say hello, but that was literally the most boring thing to do because it said absolutely nothing. Other than hello. It said hello pretty well. But Taako didn’t say hello, he said “Taako’s IN, bitches!”, which was way cooler and expressive than hello. Taako wasn’t gonna just waltz on in and say that. Instead, Taako decided, he’d tackle Death and give him a surprise hug. Surprising Kravitz would be cool and romantic, probably. No, _definitely_. Nothing was more cool and romantic than surprise tacklehugs.

** [Taako does a Stealth check; gets a 13.] **

Completely silent, Taako managed to sneak into the living room without getting Kravitz’s attention. The amount of half-filled glitter cups on the coffee table was truly a marvel of Taako. One of his best, and that was saying a hell of a lot. 

** [Kravitz does a Perception check; gets a 3.] **

When he was directly behind the couch, he stifled a snicker; this was great, and also, Kravitz was being cute. He was _totally oblivious_.

** [Taako does an Acrobatics check; gets an 8.] **

With a serene amount of grace, Taako leapt out of his hiding place behind the couch and tackle hugged Kravitz. Though catching him by surprise had been strangely easy, knocking him over was not; Kravitz jumped and yelped in surprise and had Taako in his arms in the split second it took for Taako to make contact with Kravitz’s back. When Kravitz heard Taako’s immediate cackling, he smiled, despite himself, and gently sat himself back down while holding Taako awkwardly in his arms. Taako didn’t make an effort to make himself nor Kravitz more comfortable. He just propped his head up on Kravitz’s shoulder. 

“That was too easy,” said Taako, cheekily.

“You just took advantage of the fact that I was…preoccupied, Taako.”

Taako couldn't quite see, but he knew Kravitz was smiling. He leaned against Kravitz's back, feeling the hair on his neck stand up from the cold of it. Gosh golly, he was cold. 

“I’m thinking of selling them at a huge profit, because they’re literally better than any other peanut butter cup out there. And any other food because they’re filled with glitter.”

“Is…glitter a culinary novelty?”

“Yes. And the absolute highest culinary novelty, my dude.”

“I get the feeling that may not be true.”

“It’s definitely true.”

Taako, now growing a little uncomfortable with his entire body being pressed against Kravitz’s ice cold backside, tried to shift his position. 

** [Taako does an Acrobatics check; gets a 1.] **

Taako did not shift his position. Instead, he managed to loose his footing while trying to move out from behind Kravitz and tumbled off of the couch completely. Luckily, his coffee table, covered in glitter filled peanut butter cups, made for a soft landing. Unfortunately, they are widely regarded as a terrible shield, and though they broke his fall they did not succeed in protecting the dear, sweet, precious coffee table. In a way that science didn’t seem capable of allowing, the combined weight and completely unrealistic amount of force of someone slipping and falling into a coffee table completely split it in two, with a very surprised looking wizard at the breaking point. Also, the peanut butter cups were, in their valiant but failed effort to save the table, completely destroyed and completely crushed, sending glitter everywhere, but mostly on a slightly dazed Taako.

“I really have no idea how you managed to slip so spectacularly,” said Kravitz, concerned and amused at the same time, “but you are okay, right?”

“I meant to do that,” said Taako, face down on the floor, his breathing a little wracked, and giving a shaky but definitely proud thumbs up. 

** [Taako does a Persuasion check; gets a 16.] **

“Ah,” said Kravitz, smiling with relief, “that’s good, then, Taako. It looked painful. And incredibly sparkly.”

“It wasn’t painful, like at all, but hells yeah it was incredibly sparkly,” said Taako, pulling his face off the floor and turning around (trying his best not to wince) and looking at Kravitz, “but like, you could’ve used other words, my man. You could’ve called it like, glitterisciously captivating.”

Kravitz looked at him, a little confused, tilting his head slightly.

“…Is that a word?”

“It is totally a word. And it is a super sweet real word.”

“Oh, right, right, of course. Another thing, Taako. This glitter will…wash out, right? It’s everywhere. I’m sure you can understand why having glitter all over my work clothes might not be the best idea.”

“Oh totally,” said Taako, nodding and smiling, “it’ll wash out in an instant. Glitter washes out like stains do when you use Tide to Go and then get frustrated and actually wash it in the bathroom.”

“Also, the word…glitterlicious...is that a cooking word?”

“Yes. It is a cooking word. I used it on TV a lot. And also regularly because it’s one of those cooking words that can be applied to everything.”

“Oh, do…do you use cooking parlance a lot, then?”

“Totally. My days of televised cooking might be over but not my days of being someone who knows a lot of fancy cooking words isn’t. Words like sauté and braze and fricasse. It’s all part of my deal, y’know? Like if I’m not using cooking words all the time then _what’s the point_. I need to bring dazzlement and flair to things, with the total boners I work with. And this of course includes the word glitterlicious.”

Taako helped himself up and successfully placed himself next to Kravitz, placing his head back on Kravitz’s shoulder. He was odd, Taako. He wasn’t the kind of person to upright start talking about how much someone meant to him, and the warm mushy feelings he had. But he had ways of showing his affection in profound ways, so warm and soft in their expression. Or, maybe, Taako just felt warm and soft in comparison to how cold and hard Kravitz always felt. The most likely case was it was a combination of the two. And Kravitz liked that. No, no. He loved that. He really did. It was such a tingly and cozy feeling, Kravitz hardly knew how to process it, but he was very certain he enjoyed it, whatever it was, exactly. And he knew what elicited that feeling, and it felt nice knowing what that was.

“I…really do enjoy seeing you, Taako.”

“Cool beans, Cold Boy.”

“Cool beans” said Kravitz, turning his head and looking at Taako quizzically, “another cooking term?”

“Hell no. Cool beans may be what some people enjoy, but they’re not what I enjoy, in my pretty reputable opinion as someone who was on TV and therefore someone who knows a lot about beans and how to cook them. It’s a waste of beans. You’re doing something wrong if you’re not at least boiling them.”

“Ah,” said Kravitz, smiling, “Well, regardless, I think it’s quite cool sounding. Not for actual beans, of course.”

“It is, and it’s even cooler sounding when it is being said to someone who is like, literally, actually, very cold.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do much about that.”

** [Kravitz does an Acrobatics check; gets a 4.] **

Kravitz leaned forward, and made an attempt to kiss Taako’s forehead, but given how a kiss from him felt like two ice cubes, Taako flinched and caught Kravitz off guard, and Taako fell back with Kravitz’s head on his stomach. Kravitz’s didn’t move from that position, though. He found he actually enjoyed it; partially because warmth had become a feeling he’d started enjoying, and partially because it felt so right. Taako didn’t seem to mind, either.

“You’ve got some _super_ clammy kissers, my man.” 

“I’m sorry, Taako,” said Kravitz, embarrassed, “a warning might’ve been a good idea before that.”

“Nawp.”

“…What?”

“ _Nawp_.”

** [Taako does an Acrobatics test; gets a 12.] **

Taako pulled Kravitz forward, and pressed his lips against Kravitz’s. Prepared for the cold now, the wizard felt a warm feeling ironically pop up through the coldness of it. Cold as he was, Kravitz was a fantastic kisser, and Taako was holding back a bodacious outburst of either “boy howdy” or “hoo didley” or any of the other things he did when he was really happy and pleased and also sort of surprised with all of it. After a few brief moments, Taako found himself more accustomed to the general clamminess, and started getting a little more into it. It’d been a long time since he’d kissed anyone, much less, kissed someone like this. The two men reached for each other, hardened cold hands touching soft warm hands, plain fine silk touching a weird amalgam of all sorts of vibrantly colored cloths. This moment was a lot of things, for the both of them. But most of all, it was that feeling of mutual respect, mutual admiration, a keen love and interest for the other person that made sharing kisses feel as amazing as they did. And it more than made up for how Kravitz was, quite literally, so cold he could freeze a cup of water if he held on to it long enough. 

When they broke apart, Taako smiled, let his long elf ears drop compleely, and stretched his legs out in an effort to make himself and Kravitz more comfortable. Taako’s well-upholstered form was far from a bad one for this kind of thing; indeed, it felt almost perfect for it. The concept of and even word “cuddling” had been a foreign one to Kravitz for some time. It was the kind of thing that nearly countered his occupation and everything it entailed; it was comfortable and warm and _lively_. Taako had his eyes closed, and there was a smile creeping on his face, despite himself, despite how reserved he tried to be with emotions like this. But at the same time, Taako’s expression was always one of life, something Kravitz didn’t see everyday as a bounty hunter for the cold grip of Death itself, which by itself was one reason Kravitz found Taako so lovable. Kravitz made his head more comfortable. He rested his head sideways on Taako’s stomach, feeling him living and breathing and being, right there, alive even though he’d died quite a number of times, something he was willing to excuse given how much Taako had accomplished, lovable, talented doofus that he was. 


End file.
